Here’s my annual list of the 20 worst songs of the year.
This lame duck is not taking off anywhere. Lousy lyrics: “I’ll be your prey, I’ll be your hunger. My blood will flow between your teeth.” and “Aaaa aaa aaa aa aa aa.”
19) Elly In Jerseyland – Spoiled
Apparently this act is built around being a parody of Jersey Shore types – as if they weren’t already parodies of themselves. Lousy lyrics: “I’m a spoiled bitch if you know what I mean.” What could she possibly mean?
Sometimes it’s cute to watch Bieber pose as heterosexual but this knockoff of the *NSYNC song Girlfriend is painfully corny. Lousy lyrics: “Tell me what you like. Yeah tell me what you don’t. I could be your Buzz Light year, fly across the globe. I don’t never wanna fight yeah, you already know. Imma make you shine bright like you’re laying in the snow. Burr.”
17) Al Walser – I Can’t Live Without You
Seriously? This is nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Dance Recording?!? Lousy lyrics: “I’m in love and so amazed see butterflies all over see them all over. It’s enough to make a grown man cry.” A lot of talent that did not get Grammy nominations are crying indeed.
16) Ankit Love – Beethoven Burst
There are already several songs sampling Beethoven’s Symphony No. 5 and this discoy rap crap could be the worst yet. Lousy lyrics: “10 billion light years away. Fireworks on your birthday. At UNOOSA Vienna. Tattooed in paisley henna. Pull me in strange attractor. Tell me your secret factor. Measure of cosmic Karma. Are these gates to Nirvana.” and “Bounda boom bounda boom. Bounda boom bounda boom.”
15) Eldorado Red – I Supply The Town (featuring Yo Gotti)
You know those jerks who drive around with their speakers blasting bass-heavy music trying to be cool while they ruin their ears? This is the crap they listen to. Lousy lyrics: “When I come around, I supply your town. None but bricks and pounds, yeah, I supply your town. I supply your town. I supply your town. I supply your town, yeah, I supply your town. When I come around, None but bricks and pounds. I supply your town. When I come around, yeah I supply your town. I supply your town. I supply your town, yeah, I supply your town. When I come around.”
14) Gotye – Somebody That I Used To Know (feat. Kimbra)
Many music critics acclaim this as one of the best songs of the year. I however find the quirky music and the singer’s voice transitioning from soft-monotone to screechingly whiny unbearable to listen to. This breakup duet is as uncomfortable as watching a real couple fighting in person. Lousy lyrics: “You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness. Like resignation to the end, always the end.”
13) Morbid Angel – Existo Vulgoré
This genre of loud metal music in which the lead singer is just screaming the words throughout all of the so-called song must be secretly financially backed by headache medicine companies. Lousy lyrics: “I rejoice in awful ways. I sickly tune the worst of days. To have unreason’s show to tell. All the world is a victim ’cause I’m raising hell.”
12) Stuey Rock – So Good (featuring Future)
This hella autotuned ode to vaginas probably does not make the ladies swoon as much as this guy thinks it does. Lousy lyrics: “P—y so good make you wanna sing to it.”
11) Insane Clown Posse – It’s All Over
The music these guys makes sounds kinda cool but their attempt at making rock-rap music is indeed clownish. Lousy lyrics: “The sky’s polluted, it’s raining crud. Pandemonium throughout the hood.”
10) Brandy – Put It Down (featuring Chris Brown)
Does anyone really believe that in an actual conversation with a suitor that Brandy would really speak in these generic Ebonics? Lousy lyrics: “I’m a put it down, you can’ fall in love. I’m a put it down, you can’ fall in love. I’m a put it down, you can’ fall in love. I’m a put it down, you can’ fall in love. I’m a put it down, you can’ fall in love. I’m a put it down, you can’ fall in love. I’m a put it, I’m a put it, I’m a put it…” and also “If you put it down right like the way I want it. Play your cards right, maybe we can fall in love.”
Maybe this is a misguided attempt to be as quirky and fun as Rock Lobster by The B52′s but it’s just not. Actually, Rock Lobster is stupid on second thought. Lousy lyrics: “Somewhere in the haze he want to lick your face and to bite your brains by his yellow teeth with a funny growl full of lobster love,” and also “I’ll give you fun, you will be happy with me and then I’ll eat you with a lobster’s joy so come to me.”
I like the energy of this band and am rooting for them in light of their documentary (Everyday Sunshine: The Story of Fishbone) but this is so lame. Lousy lyrics: “I’m just crazy too, just like crazy glue.”
7) Nicki Minaj – Beez In The Trap & Nicki Minaj – Stupid Hoe
No wonder people think she’s Illuminati spawn sent to dumb down people by glorifying the trashy. Lousy lyrics: “Bitches ain’t s–t, and they ain’t sayin’ nuthin’. A hundred mutha—-as can’t tell me nuthin’. I beez in the trap, bee, beez in the trap,” and also “Ice my wrists and I piss on bitches. You can suck my diznik if you take this jizzes.” “You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, (yeah) you a, you a stupid hoe. You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid).” And then it gets worse with, “Look bubbles go back to your habitat. MJ gone and I ain’t having that. How you gon’ be the stunt double to the nigga monkey. Top of that I’m in the Phantom looking hella chonky.”
There’s nothing nice about this. Lousy lyrics: “A-WhatO, A-WhatO, A-WhatO,” and “Hello. I’m just a jolly fellow looking for a girl to whip her hair like Willow,”and also “WhatO has a million definitions.’
5) The All-American Rejects – Beekeeper’s Daughter
With corny lyrics like these identifying as rejects is not just a trying-to-be-ironic name anymore. Lousy lyrics: “You’re a pretty little flower. I’m a busy little bee. Honey, that’s all you need to see. I can take you for an hour. But then I’m gonna leave. Honey I know you’ll wait for me,” and “Laaadadadadaaa.”
This is a painfully pathetic attempt at a female singer trying to be sexy. I feel like I should send her soap. Lousy lyrics: “Hey hey, few things that i wanna say-ay. Still got my dignity-y.” “She can f–k you good, bet i can f–k you betta. I can f–k you better. She can f–k you good, bet i can f–k you betta. And while she’s lookin’ toward you, I bet she’s beautiful. And then she’ll love you and touch you until you throw up. You keep on tryin’ to hide it but we both know-ow. She can f–k you good, bet I can f–k you betta. She can f–k you good, bet I can f–k you betta. I can f–k you better. She can f–k you good, bet I can f–k you betta. I bet she’s perfect and worth it, I bet she’s beautiful and that she’ll love you and touch you until you throw up.”
3) Mike Posner – Looks Like Sex
This is a painfully pathetic attempt at a male singer trying to be sexy. In his only hit, this guy previously sang, “you probably think that you’re cooler than me.” With corny songs like this, yes I do think I’m cooler than him. Lousy lyrics: “That ass makes me wanna oooh, oooh, oooh. You know exactly what you do, oooh, oooh, oooh. I would really like to take that home. Everybody here knows. She looks like sex, sex, sex, sex. She looks like sex, sex, sex, sex. She looks like sex, sex, sex, sex. She looks like sex, sex, sex, sex. She looks like…”
2) Loomis and the Lust – Sports Suck
I can’t stand the cult of sports and how people worship and pay millions to people who move balls from one space to another. However, I wouldn’t write a song about it and this is why. Lousy lyrics: “Sports suck. Sports suck. They’re boring as f–k.” Sometimes music sucks too.
1) Skylar Grey – C’mon Let Me Ride (featuring Eminem)
When you think about how much money the record company must have put into this while millions of people suffer in poverty it’s really depressing. This is a real thing that people really did. Lousy lyrics: “Come on, let me ride your bicycle. It’s so fantastical on your bicycle. We can get a little more physical. Baby, after all, it’s only natural. I feel it coming, coming, coming, oh. I feel it running, running, running, oh. Come on, let me ride your bicycle. It’s so fantastical on your bicycle,” and also, “I’m only f—ing with you. F–k you for thinking it’s true. I’m not like the sluts in this town. They make me blehh in my mouth. I wanna ride on your bike. ‘Cause you’re the boy that I like.
It’s like I’m a sell out for you. But your bike’s so shiny and new, shiny and new.”
Dishonorable Mention
A+ Dropouts – On Your Own
Angelo Dibello – I Was In L.A.
August Burns – Red Empire
Cher Lloyd – Want U Back (featuring Astro)
Chris Rene – Trouble
Cobra Starship – Middle Finger
Flux Pavilion – Bass Cannon
Foxy Shazam – Holy Touch
Foxy Shazam – I Like It
Luke Bryan – Drunk On You
Penguin Prison – Don’t Fuck With My Money
Snoop Lion – La La La
Tech N9ne – Am I a Psycho? (featuring B.o.B., Hopsin)
Trae Tha Truth – All That I Know (featuring Mystikal, Tech N9ne & & Brian Angel)
Trey Songz – What I Be On
Trina – No Panties
Twin Thing – It’s Twin Thing
Willow Smith – Fireball
Wiz Khalifa – Work Hard Play Hard
Youngest 1′s – One Time For Tha Hustlers
